By Christopher Woods
She passes now, at seven in the evening. Down there, below. She does not seem to notice the bougainvillea, or the lone mango tree. She does not see the way the sun hangs heavy on the wall, the other side of the courtyard. She passes this way every evening, a reed thin bird, looking for a place to light.
This is as close as I’ll come, I say. As close as I’ll get to her. Having her.
Here, removed from her, I see only her. I smell the flowers and the fruit. Pleasant smells that I now associate with her.
Many here make that mistake, of confusing their senses. So they call to her. Summon her. They pay a guard, who pays another. Who pays the guard who patrols the courtyard. Then, in this way, in slow minutes, the girl arrives in a man’s cell.
And it is also in this way that she sails through the dark nights, lighting with strangers who are famished for the touch of a passing bird. She lands for awhile in a small concrete shell, to give away most things. It is dawn before she leaves.
I am awake, always. I do not sleep well. I watch for her, down below, passing so very quietly.
She is tired and frail. And used, of course. Maybe used up entirely. Somewhere in the cell block a man is sleeping it off. Dreaming her over and over again. Maybe, in a week or two, he will have her again.
Or, more likely, another man will have her sooner, in a nearby cell. Another brick wall away. But the walls here are fond of talking. Telling secrets. Listening. Repeating whatever comes their way. Their memory is as deep as a well. So a man will sleep with her anyway, will have her just the same. Through a wall. Inside a whisper. For a night, wherever it lasts.
I’ve come close to having her. I’ve had bills clenched tight in my fist, a call to the closest guard rising in a dry throat. Until now, I have kept from it. It is not that I do not want her, even if a hundred men have had her. Or the fact of her children, who sleep at the prison gate, waiting for her to return at dawn.
No, if I call to her, if I pay a fistful of pesos, I know I will lose something. Maybe more than I would gain. If she lights here, one night or many, she will never be the same again. To me.
Nothing will be the same again. The way she passes down below. Through the flowers and the fruit. The perfection of that simple vision. Just as it is.
So I leave things as they are. The mango tree, the red sun, the bougainvillea filling the air. I wait to see her pass. Coming and going. Dusk and dawn. I do not hope that things will change. I sleep poorly, keeping track of her. I keep an ear to the wall.
If I listen long enough, I hear a bird, fluttering, trapped inside the night.
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Christopher Woods has published a prose collection, Under a Riverbed Sky, and a book of stage monologues for actors, Heart Speak. He lives in Houston and Chappell Hill, Texas. His photographs can be seen in his online gallery Moonbird Hill.